The Great Golf Expedition
by rcs17
Summary: It's 1962 and Magnus decides to take Ragnor Fell on a "mundane" golfing trip. Only, it's never mundane when Magnus is around. Written for my brother's birthday. Summary sucks. Give it a chance. ;)


**A/N: Hey! So, this is one of two stories that I wrote for my brother's birthday. The other one is titled "Warrior." **

**Happy Birthday, Jonathan. **

**Enjoy. ;)**

* * *

**1962**

It was unusually windy as Magnus stood on the hill. He was on the biggest hill on the entire golf course. It was entirely green with a few yellow ditches. Speaking of all green...

In the distance, he could see Ragnor struggling to lug his golf bag. Magnus smirked. Ragnor looked green. Well, greener than usual. He was breathing heavily when he finally caught up to the other warlock. "My, my, my little peapod," Magnus said, amused. "You're looking fatigued. And a tad... verdant."

Ragnor scowled and hiked the strap of the bag up further on his shoulder. His face turned dark green with rage. "I just dragged this god forsaken bag of sticks up a goddamned hill," he heaved. He looked at the humans around him. "Why couldn't we get one of those cart things?" he practically moaned.

Magnus spread his arms out in the air. "To get the full human golfing experience!"

Ragnor rolled his eyes. "Which is why you're floating your bag instead of dragging it like I am."

Indeed, Magnus had enchanted his bag so it would float beside him. "Well, I, for one, took hours to get ready this morning. I'm not going to spoil it by sweating."

Magnus had his usual spiked and sparkled black hair, but each tip was dyed a different color, giving it a rainbow effect. His wore a gold disco polo shirt that exposed half of his chest, and pants were a shocking lime green. His favorite rhinestone belt with a large "M" on it was strung through his belt loops. "Well, on the bright side," Ragnor said, a smirk forming on his leaf-colored face, "at least I'll never lose you."

Magnus beamed and clapped Ragnor on the back. Unfortunately, Ragnor had not quite gotten over his exhaustion, so he ended up falling flat on his face. "Come, my little froggy friend," Magnus said. "Let us start our exploration into the world of golf!"

He strutted away purposefully, leaving a furious Ragnor to pick himself up. He wiped his forehead on his golf towel and muttered: "Kill me now."

* * *

Whack!

Magnus jumped up with glee at the sight of his ball(which was trailing with glitter, by the way) slipping into the hole. "HOLE IN ONE!" Magnus roared.

Ragnor just stood there with his arms crossed. "And you're sure that you didn't spell that?"

Magnus looked at the sky thoughtfully. "I might have..."

Ragnor hung his head. "Magnus, what is the point of this? We're here for a human experience."

"Yes, well," Magnus said, picking a piece of grass from his personalized seven iron. It was purple with a sparkly "M" on the club face. "I've decided to make things interesting."

He hit the next ball, and as predicted, it was a hole in one. "Ragnor do you see—Ragnor?"

Magnus spun in a circle, looking for his friend. "Magnus, I'm right here."

Magnus chuckled and clapped a hand on Ragnor's shoulder. "Dear me," he said. "You were camouflaged—"

"If you make any more jokes on me being green," Ragnor started, " I will personally shave that goddamned cat of yours."

Magnus gasped. "You wouldn't."

Ragnor shrugged, an amused expression gracing his features. "I probably wouldn't, but your face was certainly hilarious."

"Shut up." Magnus conjured up a fan with Chinese characters and spelled it to fan him. "Gracious, it's getting hot. Let's go into the clubhouse."

Ragnor glanced at the long path behind him. "Wouldn't it be easier to summon sandwiches here?" Ragnor asked hopefully. He groaned when Magnus grinned. "Nope. That wouldn't be the _full_ mundane golf experience, would it?"

Ragnor swore colorfully under his breath. "Well, can we at least get doves to carry us, or something?"

With a snap of his fingers, Magnus conjured up a flying carpet. Carefully, he sat down on it and said: "Now, that would be cheating."

* * *

"FOR AULD LANG SYNE!" Magnus sang loudly in Ragnor's ear. Ragnor winced.

"I think you drank four beers to many," said Ragnor. He threw a very drunk Magnus into a gold cart and revved the engine.

"But Ragnor, darling," Magnus stated, "why are you so green?" Ragnor sighed loudly. "It's such a dull color," he went on. "Why not gold? Or pink?" He snapped his fingers. Slowly, Ragnor's skin started turning pink.

"Magnus!" Ragnor shouted indignantly.

Magnus smiled and clapped. "There. Much better. Now all that's left is..." He snapped his fingers and a purple sparkly ribbon appeared on Ragnor's head. Ragnor tried to pry it off his head, but it was stuck. "I say, Magnus," said Ragnor. "Get this infernal thing off of me."

"Nooooo!" Magnus wailed. "It's not done yet!" Blue sparks weaved through his fingers, traveling its way to Magnus' friend. It coated Ragnor's skin with a thick layer of glitter.

"Perfect!" Magnus said, a little too loudly. Golfers turned to look at the warlocks, their expressions a mix of amusement and embarrassment. "Shhhhh!" Ragnor clapped a hand over Magnus' mouth. "You'll attract attention."

But he already had. The men and women who surrounded him, sporting clothes only extremely rich people could buy, were staring at them in disbelief, Ragnor more than Magnus.

"Did you take off my glamour?!" Ragnor spluttered. Magnus giggled. "Well, yeah," he said. "You're _much_ more attractive now. You were all green and stuff. Now _everyone_ can see how beautiful you are!"

Ragnor quickly threw up a glamour wall and scowled at the other golfers. They immediately continued what they were doing. "Magnus, I think we should—"

"Nonsense!" Magnus bellowed. "We must do that, thing where we...do that thing...and...hit the stuff!" Ragnor smacked his forehead. "Hey, did you know that you look like bubblegum?" Magnus poked Ragnor's face. "I shall call you Princess Bubblegum of Unicornland!" he declared.

"Dear god," Ragnor muttered. Magnus snapped his fingers and turned Ragnor's golf clubs pink with rainbow sparkles. But that wasn't the worst part.

Embroidered onto the golf bag was "Property of Princess Bubblegum of Unicornland" with a unicorn smiling underneath.

"MAGNUS!" Ragnor yelled. Magnus smiled.

"LEZ GOZ PLAYED GOLLS!" he shouted incoherently. Ragnor grumbled and conjured up a golf cart. After stuffing his drunk friend in the cart, he dug the key into the ignition and drove away.

* * *

"IZ FEZZING HAPI, SOOKERZ!" Magnus took another swig of his beer and looked through his golf bag. He finally pulled out his driver, but Ragnor pushed it back down.

"Magnus, we're _putting_. _That_ is a driver," said Ragnor.

Magnus beamed and patted Ragnor on the back so hard he fell down. "Why yes, Princess Bubblegum," he said. "Of course I'll drive! I know you royalty don't like doing the hard work!"

Ragnor's eyes bulged. "No, no! That's not what I—" he tried to get out. But it was too late. Magnus pushed Ragnor into the cart, jammed the key into the ignition, and floored the accelerator. Ragnor gripped onto the side rails, his eyes wide. "Magnus the golfers—"

"Don't worry, Princess!" Magnus boomed. "I'll make sure that your pretty pink face stays in tact!" He would have run straight into a couple golfing, but they jumped out of the way just in time. Ragnor sighed in relief. "Okay, Magnus, let me get off."

"NEVER!" Two thick steel cords wrapped around Ragnor's ankles and bound his wrists together.

"Really, Magnus?" Ragnor sighed.

Magnus slapped his forehead. "Of course! I forgot the glitter!" Glitter climbed up the metal cords. "Happy?"

"Ecstatic," Ragnor muttered sarcastically. His eyes turned wide as they approached a massive pine tree. "MAGNUS! THE—"

They crashed into the tree, a collision that jolted the two warlocks out of the car. Magnus then fainted as authorities arrived at the scene.

* * *

_Beep. Beep. _

_God, my head feels like it's about to explode._ Magnus peeled his eyes green eyes open and took in his surroundings. He was in a bed. Not a very pretty one, either. _Why can't they make hospitals sparkly? Maybe if I—_

"Magnus." Ragnor stood in the doorway, awkwardly balancing in between two crutches. Underneath his bandages, his skin was green again and devoid of any glitter.

Magnus planted a hand on his forehead and winced. "Not so loud," he said. "What the hell happened?"

Ragnor sighed and smirked. "It looks like we're not going to have a full mundane experience for a _while_."

* * *

**Well, hope you guys liked that. **

**Happy Birthday again, Jonathan. **

**REVIEW!**


End file.
